13.

Since this is the last post of the year, I wanted to outline my Writing Resolutions. I'm terrible about finding the time to write, and always filled with excuses. I found NaNo to be really helpful in terms of giving me a goal to aim for.

So. Here are my writing goals for the year:

* Write a minimum of 5k a week. For the year, that means I will have 260k at the end of it. That's about 3 novels worth of writing, which I think seems to be quite reasonable to have. I bought myself a yearly wall planner and shall give myself gold stars for each week I make my goal. I'm allowing myself some leeway- if I don't hit 5k one week, because of it being particularly busy, then that's fine. But before the end of each quarter, I need to have made those words up. Which means that by March 30, I need to have 65k (130k by 29/6; 185k by 28/9; 260k by 28/12).

* Complete a novel, to the polished and ready to show the world stage

* Submit at least 4 short stories for publication/to competitions (again, at least one per quarter of the year)

* Create detailed synopses for at least 6 novel-length projects, of 3-10 pages in length. These synopses may become the novels I work on in 2014, or may become future projects. Minimum of 1 synopsis per two months.

* Sign up for and complete at least one online writing course (I've already got my eye on several that RWA run for $20-25 which seem too good to pass up!)

So those are my five goals (or resolutions) for writing for the year. I'm hoping to make 2014 my year of living fearlessly- in terms of my personal life and health, in terms of work, and in terms of writing. There are other things I want to do- win NaNo 2014, start researching agents with the plan of submitting in 2015 etc etc, but the five above are my main goals. I also want to keep posting on this blog once a week, but that's something I'd already planned on.

At the moment I want to repost my goals every quarter of the way through the year, and note how much on track I am. Hopefully that'll keep me motivated! 

12.

Short post today, because the week slipped away from me, and it's Wednesday already, also known as Christmas! Having a lovely, relaxing time, and already plotting to get back into writing once the holidays are over.

Instead of writing, I'm enjoying having the chance to watch lots of awesome movies, and reading lots of great novels. It's wonderful to see what writers can create, and how the worlds they imagine come to life.

I bought my flatmate a copy of Stephen King's On Writing for a Christmas pressie, and I may have to be incredibly cheeky and steal it to read myself. I've never read it, but I'm sure his advice would be invaluable. 

11.

One week on, I'm three and a half chapters deep, which is about half of where I wanted to be as of today. But life has a way of getting in the middle of things. I'm starting to learn that I can't let the little things in life get in the way of writing- not being able to write because I have to work/go to the gym/feed the pets/do housework/go shopping isn't a valid excuse. And the reason I can't let the little things get in the way is because sometimes, occasionally, big things come along and really get in the way.

I'm dealing with a bereavement at the moment, and it's still too tender for me to properly pour that emotion into writing. I'm going to try though, because I want to do something productive, rather than destructive, which is how I feel.

I've started redecorating my soon to be office- even now when it's still just a desk, a comfy chair, and a pile of moving boxes, it's a wonderful place to be and I feel comfortable here, which bodes well for writing. When I finish I hope it will be bright and airy and inspiring. Here's hoping! 

10.

Today I wrote 3200 words, the entire first chapter of the YA contemporary novel I've been dying to write. It didn't happen easily- my inner editor is back, and I even had to get up and walk around the room at one point, because I was arguing with myself too much, and couldn't carry on. But in the end it worked, and I finished it, and I plan to write the next chapter tomorrow, and the next, and so on until this pesky, buzzing story idea actually ends up on the page. NaNo project has been shelved for the foreseeable future, which is probably best, at this point.

This week I also plan to start my redecoration of the spare room, to become less of a graveyard for boxes I still haven't unpacked, and more of a guest bedroom/office/writing room. I'm really looking forward to it!

I'm also beta-reading some novels for my writing group. I'm really excited to delve into someone else's novel, and to learn from the more experienced writers in the group. Plus they have some awesome sounding stories that I look forward to reading! 

9.

Oh frabjous day!

Precisely 48 hours ago, I hit fifty thousand words on my NaNo project. I have to write the number out like that to fully appreciate the accomplishment, I think.

My story is not finished. I never expected it to be. It's in fragments here and there and I already have a list the length of my arm full of ideas for rewrites, facts to check etc etc. And in a month or so, once I feel a sense of detachment from it, I plan to rewrite and see what happens then. It'll be a big rewrite- there are personality quirks to change, dialogue to improve, and vast swathes of description to add (I have a terrible habit of ignoring the surrounding environment beyond 'They were in the car' or 'The pizzeria smelt warm and inviting'. That's not good enough!).

There have been some successes and some not-so-much-successes. In the not-so-much pile, I failed entirely at using something other than a Word-style word processor (I think I'll have to bite the bullet and purchase Scrivenor, as I found Y Writer a bit of a trial at first and immediately gave up). Admittedly, it wasn't Word that I used (as a new computer right before NaNo meant no longer having a subscription, and I was feeling cheap at the time)- instead I used LibreOffice which was virtually the same. But I want something a bit more interactive- with my non-linear writing style, I need a programme that supports that.

Which brings me to my second not-so-much point which is that I had hoped to learn how to write in one long foul swoop, from beginning to end, but alas that did not happen as planned. However I did learn a lot about trying to constrain myself.

I also didn't finish. The novel is probably 2/3rds complete, and I could have pushed myself harder, but time got away from me. Still, that's what the rewrite is for.

In the success pile is the fact that I actually, finally, completed NaNo- no excuses. That feels pretty awesome.

It also inspired me to do more, beyond my NaNo project (which, come to think of it, might be why I didn't have enough time to completely finish my novel...). I'm walking away from NaNo with two complete outlines for other novels (a couple pages each, with basic scene breakdown), a partial outline, two ideas, a first chapter for yet another novel which I have no idea what to do with, a completed first draft of a short story and an incomplete one.

All in all, I consider it to be a pretty successful month!

Up next- one more week of work before a long, staying at home holiday, in which I plan to completely revamp my spare room into a comfy office/writing space. Expect weekly updates!

8.

Finally, I have a somewhat valid excuse for posting my blog update late! I've been away for a work conference, and so my mind has been full of work-related thoughts, and not so much with writing.

And yet, in a way, it's positively influenced me- I have a day zero account where I've listed the 101 things I want to do in 1001 days. On there was 'present at a conference' and today I could log on and indicate that I had completed that item. I then scrolled through to see what else I have on my (not fully complete!) list, as sometimes I do things without realising I'd put them on the list.

There were a high number of tasks that relate directly to creativity in some way, and most of those were to do with writing. And as I looked at some of the things I've already checked off, ranging from big things, like buying a house, to little things like writing my future self a letter, I realised how doable my writing goals are.

One is, of course, to complete NaNo. And right now I have more than 45k words, and four days left. Easy peasy to finish! I'd gone into NaNo with a plan to write each day, slightly more than the minimum since I knew I'd be away for work for a few days. That was the plan, but not the reality. Instead I wrote a little on some days, nothing on others, and on two memorable weekend days, wrote 10k in a day. That, to me, was remarkable. I could see what I was capable of. And if I'd pushed myself, if I'd really needed to, I could have gone beyond those ten thousand words and written more.

I had also planned to start at the beginning and write through to the very end. I plotted my scenes and chapters this way, so I knew that by the time two days had passed, I'd have a chapter, more or less. That didn't eventuate in reality either- I started out that way, but soon reverted to my usual plan of writing whatever is burning within me at the time. For better or worse, it's gotten me close to where I need to be. It's helped me eliminate the plodding moments in between the exciting scenes, and to keep myself excited to write when I felt exhausted or overwhelmed. And now I am faced with a bunch of puzzle pieces to put together, to rewrite into something coherent. Rewriting, I think (I hope!) is where the magic happens. And I can't wait until it's all complete and polished.

The reason I'm so excited about rewriting is because this is a first for me- writing without constant editing, without panicking over a specific word or phrase, with writing tiny notes to myself so that I'll remember to link something in better, or to keep an eye on how I've described something. It took away my excuses- that I couldn't get the word just right, so would continue writing once it popped into my mind, that I couldn't write until I had all of the facts 100% in line, that I couldn't write because it was bad, bad, terrible and bad.

I look forward, so much, to checking off 'Win NaNoWriMo' on my day zero list. And as soon as I do, I'm going to add it back in for next year. I feel like I've grown as a writer, that I've proven to myself that I can do this- and I haven't even won yet! And to me, that makes it an even more important journey- I am proud of myself now, even if I sat for four days and didn't write another word, I still feel like a winner.

I suspect I will have to read that over and over again to convince myself, once the rewriting starts, but that's okay. Because I can't wait.

7.

Well, I'm at least attempting to post around the same time each week- that counts for something, right? An A for effort? I really should set up an alarm to remind myself.

I do have an excuse though- I've been distracted with writing.

All of last week I felt stuck- I'd write 50 words here, and another 50 there, but definitely didn't make my 2k a day goal I needed to catch up and eventually finish NaNo. And on the day that I felt like I could really churn some words out, I had an issue with my car and spent the day taking it to the dealership to be fixed and biting my nails waiting to see if they could repair it (they could) and how much it would cost (much less than expected, thankfully). My flatmate was in a similar position with NaNo- behind, and needing to really catch up. So we decided to have a Weekend of Writing. Of course, the best laid plans...Saturday became filled with the various chores and errands that need to be done in a household.

Which left Sunday. And I'm proud to say that we did really well. We each decided on a forfeit, something we would have to give up for the day if we didn't make our goal. It was a great motivator- we both added 10k to our wordcount, which means I now have a few thousand words as a cushion. Seeing that I could write so many in one day (and, skimming over it afterwards, I'm quite pleased with what I wrote) is definitely keeping me motivated. I added another 2000 yesterday and hope to do the same tonight. My goal for the week is to be in the 40s before Sunday, when I head off on a three day work trip and will likely have very little time for writing.

Yesterday I also used my lunch break wisely and wrote out an outline for a short story idea, and wrote a small section of that. If nothing else, NaNo is inspiring me to just write, to get the words on the page and deal with how pretty it looks later. If I can hit December with 50k of a novel, ready to be edited and rewritten and added to, as well as some story outlines and the bones of a short story, I will be over the moon!

I'm also making post-NaNo plans to keep writing. I have a redecoration of the spare room/office planned, which will be the first room to be redecorated in the house. I want to turn it into a peaceful relaxing sanctuary perfect for writing and reading, with comfy chairs and pillows, and bright but soothing colours on the walls. And I've come up with a writing schedule for 2014 too, which should keep me on track to being where I want to be- a few completed novels under my belt, hiding in a bottom drawer somewhere, and one story polished to the point of being ready for publication. Whether I ever become brave enough to try for that, well, we'll just have to see in a year's time!

6.

One third of the way through NaNo, and I'm slightly behind with my word count. I always figured this would be the case- personally, I like to overestimate when I'm sorting out my schedule- If I say I should get 8k done over a weekend, and only get 6k done, then that gives me an incentive to catch up.

The reason I'm behind, though, is because I ran out of steam with my novel. I started to doubt myself- surely it was a short story, surely it wasn't any good anyway, and therefore can't possibly last 50 000 words, let alone beyond that to become a full, finished novel. I hated everything about it, suddenly and violently. And though I kept writing, I felt like I didn't care any more.

So I sat myself down, and wrote out another synopsis and scene breakdown for my novel. I ended up writing in details that made the story more complete. I wrote the breakdown for a scene that just didn't work when I wrote it, but the new synopsis for it added in something that I think will make it work. I figured out a way to link a vague idea I had for the beginning and the end. I feel energised and excited about writing the story now!

Which is exactly what I should be doing right now, so I'm going to sign off, and get cracking, and hopefully get my wordcount up to where it should be- or maybe beyond!

5.

It's November!

Which means it's NaNoWriMo.

I started on Friday and churned out over 2k, and then Saturday came and...no writing happened. Mostly because I've got the flu (I thought it was just a cold, but alas, it's more draining than that) so I'm achey and cranky and not in the right headspace. Today I was convinced very little writing would occur, but I gave myself a 2k goal (I'd originally hoped to have 8k written by the end of the weekend- woe!), and somehow wrote 3k in that time. There's still a chance some more words will flow tonight, but as it stands, I'm quite happy, considering!

Ignoring my inner editor is HARD. I'm not used to writing this way, just churning out words. I like to get the right word, to phrase things the right way, to use the right name. But I'm working to force myself, as much as I can, to just keep writing and not second guess myself.

I've also learnt that for me, linear writing is almost impossible. I tried to start at the first line and work straight through, but that's just not going to work for me. On the other hand, this helps with stopping my inner editor breaking through. When I get stuck and know I'm going to rewrite the same paragraph over and over, I stop myself, and start a new scene, maybe one from halfway through the novel.

For now, I'm happy with how things are progressing with NaNo. I'm not where I wanted to be, but it could be worse. And right now I'm sitting on 5078 words, and I'm 1/10th of the way through, 1/10th of the days in.

And I'm enjoying the novel. That, more than anything, excites me. 

4.

Why is it, that when I should be working on one project (i.e. plotting out my NaNo novel(s)) I get completely inspired to plot out a dozen more stories, and yet when I don't have a current project that requires my attention, I feel bereft of ideas?

Everywhere I look, everything I do, my brain seems to be running away from me, conjuring up characters from other ideas I've had filed away until a later date, or, worse, coming up with new ideas. Everything seems to inspire me- just not for the right project!

NaNo starts in three days. It's a long weekend here, and I'd planned to do some prep, but mostly I've found myself lounging around the house, pottering around with unimportant things. Which is probably a good idea, since I won't have time for such lounging around with the NaNo deadline hanging over my head.

I do think I've solved some lack-of-plot issues with the middle part of my main NaNo project, which was looking somewhat empty in the middle. I still need something else- or possibly someone else- to stir things up somewhat, but hopefully that'll come to me as I go along!

3.

I'm excited this week for three reasons:

1. The SLOW buddy groups have been sent out, and I'm in a group of five, which is really exciting, and also kinda daunting. I can't wait to see how we all work together.

2. The plot for my main NaNo project seems to be falling into place. It's almost like I'm putting together a jigsaw- I know the big picture, but I'm missing some of the pieces. So far all of the pieces that have shown up fit together well, and in sometimes surprisingly good ways. My main characters are also evolving in my head- the girl is a bit sassier than I expected, the boy a bit more insecure.

Plot-wise, I have up until they meet, and a bit beyond, and also the very end, but the big chunk in the middle is pretty up in the air. It's a journey for the characters, through a part of the world unfamiliar to me, and I need them to discover a lot about themselves and each other in that time, so hopefully the hazy fog that's stopping me from seeing what they'll be doing will lift once I start writing.

To be on the safe side, I'm dusting off an old idea I've wanted to write for awhile, which is a YA contemporary LGBT story. Theoretically, if I lose steam on one project, I can work on the other. Right now I just want to prove to myself that I can write 50k or more, that I can write original characters and plots and dialogue.

3. I have a plethora of notebooks. For someone who writes almost exclusively on a laptop, I probably have more notebooks and pens than I need, but I love them. There's something nice about cracking open a fresh notebook, seeing the ink sink into the page. I almost envy people who write long hand- but since my writing becomes illegible even to myself after a page or so, it's probably not the most sensible for me to try. So far I have a plotting notebook, a character notebook and a 'list of things to do' notebook. I just need to find excuses to use the rest of untouched ones sitting in a pile beside me!

2.

A few days late for my 1-a-week-posting schedule, but it still counts, right?

Work has been busy (end of semester craziness which means super busy which means very little brain power left over at the end of the day) but it's slowly winding down, and by November my brain will be free to ponder NaNo writing.

Yesterday I was braver than expected, and sent in an email to take part in the Secret Life of Writers writing buddy programme. I'd love to have someone unbiased to read my ramblings during NaNo and, hopefully, beyond. The way I figure, if they see me at my worst (dumping out words, no editing), and they can help me improve, then it would be a wonderful thing. I'm hesitant to show someone what's inside my head, because I've never really shared original stories with anyone, but critiquing is an important part of writing, right?

I've been trying to picture the secondary characters from my NaNo project, and so when I got my hands on a copy of the Sims 3, I decided to make a household full of my characters- I got to spend a lot of time getting their looks just right, and also picking their personality traits was a lot of fun- and helped me summarise their personalities in a few short sentences. Even better, their interactions with each other were interesting to watch- seeing how conflicting personality traits interacted, the bonds they formed straight away etc. Without my input, it worked out much as I expected, so I feel like it's definitely helped me flesh out the characters.

Now I have two weeks to make a good NaNo writing plan! Let's see how that goes...

1.

I am the worst kind of procrastinator- my intentions are always so good, and yet I'm easily distracted. Or, worse, I just lose the energy and will to see something through to completion.

For the most part, this is okay- when I pull out my guitar and 'Beginner's book of Chords' once a year, spend a few weeks practicing and inevitably let the guitar gather dust for another 11 months, it doesn't really matter. It's a bit of fun, a whim that started 15 years ago when I decided to blow my babysitting money on an acoustic because I thought playing the guitar would be cool.

It's okay when I decide I'm going to tidy out the big box of papers in my spare room, get bored halfway through and stuff them all back in again, in a bigger mess than before. Because there's nothing super important in there anyway, and anything I do need is usually quickly discovered in the heat of the moment panic when I do need to find something from the box, five minutes ago.

And it's okay when I tell myself that this weekend I will definitely do something I keep meaning to do- go for a five mile hike/go and see an exhibition at the art gallery I kinda want to see/go through my wardrobe and sort out clothes to be donated- and inevitably spend it sitting in front of the TV, mainlining episodes of The Mentalist while eating every hour and a half.

All of that procrastination is okay, because in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. Sure, it'd be nice to do the things I mean to do, but am I really worse off if I don't? No.

Unfortunately, my procrastination in these things means it extends to the things that do matter. Not as far as work, thankfully, otherwise I would run out of money to buy guitar strings, filing cabinets, exhibit tickets, The Mentalist DVDs and junk food, and then I'd be out of luck in finding things to procrastinate, and things to fill that time with. But it does extend to my writing. And that's not okay because writing is something I feel is essential in my life and procrastinating my writing feels about the same as if I hold off on other essential things in life- eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom. Putting off any of those and I feel gross and sick and painful and not like myself at all.

All of this is a long-winded way of saying, I hate how I feel when I procrastinate writing. I don't even know why I do it. Or, maybe, I do, but I don't like admitting it. Admitting there's a little voice that says 'don't bother' or 'what's the point' or 'it's not going to be good, anyway'.

And, from day to day, it doesn't matter. If I sit down to write on a Monday, and don't, I can tell myself I'll do it on Tuesday. Or maybe Wednesday. Thursday for definite. Unless something comes up, then I'll write on Friday for sure. And definitely on the weekend since I won't be working then, unless something else important needs to be done first (see The Mentalist DVD and eating every 1.5 hours, as per above).

It's only when I sit back and think about how much time I've wasted, that it becomes obvious how bad my procrastination is.

So. Despite the fact that something I procrastinate is updating my (far too many) blogs, here begins this one- a way for me to keep track of my writing, my motivation, my words. All being well, I'll update once a week, forcing myself to write a blog post, at least, and it may let me see just where it is I fall down when it comes to my writing and, perhaps, help me undo my bad habits and pick up some good ones.

Yesterday I logged in to my DayZero project list and scrolled through it. A huge chunk had to do with writing. In particular, three jumped out at me:

Write a novel
Complete NaNoWriMo
Write and sell a short story

So these are my three goals. Arbitrarily, I'm setting myself a one year deadline- 52 weeks from today, on my 53rd post (assuming I stick to my weekly postings), I want to be able to say, "I broke my writing procrastination and tore it into a thousand tiny glittery pieces, and along the way I wrote a novel, completed NaNo and had a short story published."

So let's see how I go.