4.

Why is it, that when I should be working on one project (i.e. plotting out my NaNo novel(s)) I get completely inspired to plot out a dozen more stories, and yet when I don't have a current project that requires my attention, I feel bereft of ideas?

Everywhere I look, everything I do, my brain seems to be running away from me, conjuring up characters from other ideas I've had filed away until a later date, or, worse, coming up with new ideas. Everything seems to inspire me- just not for the right project!

NaNo starts in three days. It's a long weekend here, and I'd planned to do some prep, but mostly I've found myself lounging around the house, pottering around with unimportant things. Which is probably a good idea, since I won't have time for such lounging around with the NaNo deadline hanging over my head.

I do think I've solved some lack-of-plot issues with the middle part of my main NaNo project, which was looking somewhat empty in the middle. I still need something else- or possibly someone else- to stir things up somewhat, but hopefully that'll come to me as I go along!

3.

I'm excited this week for three reasons:

1. The SLOW buddy groups have been sent out, and I'm in a group of five, which is really exciting, and also kinda daunting. I can't wait to see how we all work together.

2. The plot for my main NaNo project seems to be falling into place. It's almost like I'm putting together a jigsaw- I know the big picture, but I'm missing some of the pieces. So far all of the pieces that have shown up fit together well, and in sometimes surprisingly good ways. My main characters are also evolving in my head- the girl is a bit sassier than I expected, the boy a bit more insecure.

Plot-wise, I have up until they meet, and a bit beyond, and also the very end, but the big chunk in the middle is pretty up in the air. It's a journey for the characters, through a part of the world unfamiliar to me, and I need them to discover a lot about themselves and each other in that time, so hopefully the hazy fog that's stopping me from seeing what they'll be doing will lift once I start writing.

To be on the safe side, I'm dusting off an old idea I've wanted to write for awhile, which is a YA contemporary LGBT story. Theoretically, if I lose steam on one project, I can work on the other. Right now I just want to prove to myself that I can write 50k or more, that I can write original characters and plots and dialogue.

3. I have a plethora of notebooks. For someone who writes almost exclusively on a laptop, I probably have more notebooks and pens than I need, but I love them. There's something nice about cracking open a fresh notebook, seeing the ink sink into the page. I almost envy people who write long hand- but since my writing becomes illegible even to myself after a page or so, it's probably not the most sensible for me to try. So far I have a plotting notebook, a character notebook and a 'list of things to do' notebook. I just need to find excuses to use the rest of untouched ones sitting in a pile beside me!

2.

A few days late for my 1-a-week-posting schedule, but it still counts, right?

Work has been busy (end of semester craziness which means super busy which means very little brain power left over at the end of the day) but it's slowly winding down, and by November my brain will be free to ponder NaNo writing.

Yesterday I was braver than expected, and sent in an email to take part in the Secret Life of Writers writing buddy programme. I'd love to have someone unbiased to read my ramblings during NaNo and, hopefully, beyond. The way I figure, if they see me at my worst (dumping out words, no editing), and they can help me improve, then it would be a wonderful thing. I'm hesitant to show someone what's inside my head, because I've never really shared original stories with anyone, but critiquing is an important part of writing, right?

I've been trying to picture the secondary characters from my NaNo project, and so when I got my hands on a copy of the Sims 3, I decided to make a household full of my characters- I got to spend a lot of time getting their looks just right, and also picking their personality traits was a lot of fun- and helped me summarise their personalities in a few short sentences. Even better, their interactions with each other were interesting to watch- seeing how conflicting personality traits interacted, the bonds they formed straight away etc. Without my input, it worked out much as I expected, so I feel like it's definitely helped me flesh out the characters.

Now I have two weeks to make a good NaNo writing plan! Let's see how that goes...

1.

I am the worst kind of procrastinator- my intentions are always so good, and yet I'm easily distracted. Or, worse, I just lose the energy and will to see something through to completion.

For the most part, this is okay- when I pull out my guitar and 'Beginner's book of Chords' once a year, spend a few weeks practicing and inevitably let the guitar gather dust for another 11 months, it doesn't really matter. It's a bit of fun, a whim that started 15 years ago when I decided to blow my babysitting money on an acoustic because I thought playing the guitar would be cool.

It's okay when I decide I'm going to tidy out the big box of papers in my spare room, get bored halfway through and stuff them all back in again, in a bigger mess than before. Because there's nothing super important in there anyway, and anything I do need is usually quickly discovered in the heat of the moment panic when I do need to find something from the box, five minutes ago.

And it's okay when I tell myself that this weekend I will definitely do something I keep meaning to do- go for a five mile hike/go and see an exhibition at the art gallery I kinda want to see/go through my wardrobe and sort out clothes to be donated- and inevitably spend it sitting in front of the TV, mainlining episodes of The Mentalist while eating every hour and a half.

All of that procrastination is okay, because in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. Sure, it'd be nice to do the things I mean to do, but am I really worse off if I don't? No.

Unfortunately, my procrastination in these things means it extends to the things that do matter. Not as far as work, thankfully, otherwise I would run out of money to buy guitar strings, filing cabinets, exhibit tickets, The Mentalist DVDs and junk food, and then I'd be out of luck in finding things to procrastinate, and things to fill that time with. But it does extend to my writing. And that's not okay because writing is something I feel is essential in my life and procrastinating my writing feels about the same as if I hold off on other essential things in life- eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom. Putting off any of those and I feel gross and sick and painful and not like myself at all.

All of this is a long-winded way of saying, I hate how I feel when I procrastinate writing. I don't even know why I do it. Or, maybe, I do, but I don't like admitting it. Admitting there's a little voice that says 'don't bother' or 'what's the point' or 'it's not going to be good, anyway'.

And, from day to day, it doesn't matter. If I sit down to write on a Monday, and don't, I can tell myself I'll do it on Tuesday. Or maybe Wednesday. Thursday for definite. Unless something comes up, then I'll write on Friday for sure. And definitely on the weekend since I won't be working then, unless something else important needs to be done first (see The Mentalist DVD and eating every 1.5 hours, as per above).

It's only when I sit back and think about how much time I've wasted, that it becomes obvious how bad my procrastination is.

So. Despite the fact that something I procrastinate is updating my (far too many) blogs, here begins this one- a way for me to keep track of my writing, my motivation, my words. All being well, I'll update once a week, forcing myself to write a blog post, at least, and it may let me see just where it is I fall down when it comes to my writing and, perhaps, help me undo my bad habits and pick up some good ones.

Yesterday I logged in to my DayZero project list and scrolled through it. A huge chunk had to do with writing. In particular, three jumped out at me:

Write a novel
Complete NaNoWriMo
Write and sell a short story

So these are my three goals. Arbitrarily, I'm setting myself a one year deadline- 52 weeks from today, on my 53rd post (assuming I stick to my weekly postings), I want to be able to say, "I broke my writing procrastination and tore it into a thousand tiny glittery pieces, and along the way I wrote a novel, completed NaNo and had a short story published."

So let's see how I go.